A parent's worry
by Linneagb
Summary: *AU in "Preggers"* Kurt is hit in the head after the game. He feels fine but afterwards, when he's just about to come out to his dad something suddenly changes... *Written for Epilepsy awareness month*


**Epilepsy sucks ASS! **

**It felt good to say that. Really good. I'll never be able say how good it felt.**

**And it's true. It's really true. **

**November is purple and Epilepsy awareness month. As some of you may know from the other awareness stories written or from my Instagram or wherever- I do have Epilepsy myself. **

**Earlier GleeJunkie007 wrote a chapter of her story "As long as you're there" with seizures/ Epilepsy. And she said she wanted to do something without big, grand- mal seizures… And I started thinking that maybe I should too haha. Now I've written pieces with big seizures several times… Well, by then I'd already written quite a bit of this and didn't want to start anything over. But I've written more than this for EP- awareness so I guess I'll have to do something without this kind of seizures. **

**And go and read the chapter GleeJunkie007's story. It was awesome. **

**It's told from Burt's pov and in and after the episode preggers. The scene with Kurt and Burt where Kurt comes out is partly AU from right before he speaks the word "Gay" **

**I hope you like it. **

"THAT'S MY BOY."

I have never shouted as loud as I did on that football game.

"THAT'S MY BOY."

When he turned towards me, waving with moves so big it wouldn't have surprised me if his arm would have broken. And his eyes were shining with so much pride I could see it all from where I stood before I turned to my side to get down from the bleacher without falling or walking right into someone.

"KURT? WATCH OUT!"

Shouting was regular on the football field. I wouldn't have noticed it. But there was that mention of my son's name and it was moving as in slow motion while I turned up and watched that football hit right into Kurt's head with full power.

"KURT."

Gone was my way of watching out and I half ran half stumbled down from the bleacher and towards my son where he laid on the ground.

"I'm okay." Already when I came rushing towards him, Kurt was making his way back on his feet and reaching towards picking his helmet up again. "I'm okay…"

"Kurt…" I ran straight up to him, and without listening to his words carefully put my hand to his soft, brown hair and ran a hand from it.

"It's okay dad. I'm fine. It doesn't even hurt."

"It's got to hurt. It hit you…"

"Well. It doesn't." Kurt showed me a smile. "I promise you dad. It doesn't hurt a bit." He took my hand and lowered it. "But… I bet I would be able to feel all the bacteria kreeping over my body if I changed and showered here." I couldn't help but smile and snort slightly at him.

"I'll be waiting by the car."

When more boys came and guy, wanting to pat Kurt's shoulder and ruffle his hair I stepped away. The first few steps I did it slowly, as if I did it too fast he'd disappear. Then I finally turned around and went back to where I had put my car.

Come to think about it, I should probably give Kurt his car back.

I didn't even know why I had taken it for that stupid tiara collection… It really did feel worse that all these times he still wasn't telling me about what we both knew there was.

I made a wov to myself to fix that front window of Kurt's car first thing I did in the morning.

Right today and tonight there were other things to talk about than cars. And when I saw Kurt coming through the parking lot I couldn't help but smile once again.

"I'm guessing you don't want a steak amd a beer to celebrate." Kurt moaned. "Well… I guess I'll think of something. You head the shower and I'll try."

Kurt walked downstairs and not until then I noticed how tired he seem- not strange after everything he'd done I'd have to admit. Still there was a weird feeling in my gut that something was ought to go wrong now they had gone right.

I riffled in the restaurant menues we had lying in a drawer in the kitchen. I thought a number of people- maybe most people had some of these to find something to choose from for a dinner like this one. But here we barely ever ordered something since I and Kurt were so different in food tastes and absolutely everything.

I hadn't even tried some of these things…

"KURT." I shouted at last, having heard him come out of the shower. "How would you think if I tried sushi for once…" I waited for a few moments. "KURT?" Still nothing and then that worried feeling came up into my stomach again. I turned and went towards his room.

I wasn't so sure how I was afraidd of finding him. But I felt less worried when I went downstairs and found Kurt in front of the mirror with things I didn't even know the name of. He had just been so concentrated in what he was doing to hear me shout.

"Night time skincare is a big part of my post game ritual."

"Ehr…" I hesitated- what on earth was I supposed to say about this. WI don't know what to say about that. But ehr… I was really proud of you tonight Kurt. I wish your mum would have been there. I mean. Alive."

Through the couple of seconds none of us said anything I imagined how I and Elise both stood there and cheered shouting "THAT'S MY BOY". Elise shouting over every single noise during the game.

"Thanks."

Both I and Kurt silent, for some reason to questioning about today's dinner was forgotten and I turned and started making my way towards the living room.

"Dad?" I stopped a step or two towards the stairs and turned when he called out for me. "I have something that I want to say."

I took a few steps closer and I was already sure what tonight had led to. Kurt swallowed as if he was forcing himself not to puke. And, in all honesty- knowing very well what he was about about to say. If I had been in his position I would have been too.

I had imagined very times what it would be like when Kurt came out- both I and Elise, Kurt's mum had known this was the way it was. And whatever I thought about Kurt, Elise would know for a hundred and two percent certainty.

Now here we were. And I had to force myself not to say anything. This moment wasn't about me or whatever I had to think or feel and I wasn't about to interrupt.

"I'm glad that you're proud of me." He took a break. And despite his skin care seemed nervous and sweaty. "But I don't want to lie anymore."

I wished I could have showed him that he didn't have to lie. That he wouldn't have had to lie for one of those single breaths he had done for the last sixteen years.

"Being a part of the glee club and football has really showed me that I can be anything… and what I am… is…"

There was another part. Another piece stronger of me wanting to yell out what he was going to say and that I knew already.

"I'm…"

Suddenly, right at the moment I thought one word would come Kurt suddenly stopped talking.

"Kurt?" I questioned, suddenly worried. "Are you alright?"

There was another pause. Or so I thought. But Kurt didn't start talking again and suddenly seemed faint.

"Kurt?" I questioned again. "Are you alright?"

I barely had the time to finish before my son suddenly collapsed and started shaking.

"KURT?"

I threw myself down on my knees and as if that would help I grabbed his shoulder with my hand, as if I was about to shake his shoulder.

This time it was him shaking towards my hand, and it was over and over and over again.

As on automat I jumped back on my feet as well as a guy at almost fifty couöldl and ran upstairs to get my phone, quickly dialed 911 and the waiting when I waited for someone to pick up.

"I-i- it's my- y son- on." I stuttered out of breath when I ran back towards the basement. "He- he's ha-ving… hrm. Ehrm… he's having a seizure."

Every second was long, they had never been as long as watching my son lying on the floor, trembling over and over and over until finally it stopped…

"Kurt? Kurt?" I shook his shoulder. "Kurt? Can you hear me son?"

For a second I was relieved when his eyes fluttered open. Then my stomach twisted again when Kurt choke and threw up.

"Please…" I held the phone towards my ear again. "Please help me."

"We have no car…"

"PLEASE JUST BE HERE AS FAST AS YOU CAN." I shouted into the phone. "PLEASE."

Without waiting for an answer I hung up, while Kurt hadn't looked up and I could only imagine the taste in his mouth and the smell when he hadn't moved after throwing up. And I kept waiting to listen for sirens.

Maybe they wouldn't need to use them to come quite so fast…

Kurt still wasn't looking up but I could tell he was somewhat okay at least. The seconds ticked by slower than they had since the day Elise- Kurt's mum had died. And only the time took my breath away.

Then at last I heard sirens, and they were coming closer and closer.

"HERE." I shouted as I heard the doors opening and footsteps coming into the house. "WE'RE DOWN HERE."

I just couldn't leave Kurt alone for a single second unless I had to. And soon two paramedics- one man and a woman came down the stairs and the man kneeled by Kurt. When they said something that was meant for me I couldn't have cared less before he turned down.

"My name is Nils. This is Makayla. She'll drive us to the hospital and I will come with you in the ambulance. Does that sound good." Kurt moaned and forced his eyes open. "Should I get the stretcher or can you walk?"

I would have guessed for stretcher but with another moan Kurt sat up and then pressed himself up with me on one side holding one arm and Nils on the other.

"Ugh." He did seem happy though once he laid on the stretcher and could lean his head back. "It's fine… I don't need hospital. I hate hospital."

"I'm sorry kid." Nils said. "I think we'll have to go to the hospital. Just to make sure you'll be okay."

"But I hate hospitals…"

"Hey." I showed Nils not to move the stretcher anything and took Kurt's hand as he looked towards me with tears rolling down his cheeks. "I know you hate hospitals. I hate all of this too. But we're going to go there now and make sure everything is okay so we don't have to get through this more times in the future. Okay?"

Kurt nodded, but more tears filled his eyes and rolled down his cheeks while he laid his head back with another whimper.

"I hate hospitals."

I couldn't say that I didn't neither…

"Hey." Makayla stopped me when I was on my way to get into the shotgun seat of the ambulance. "Instead, you take your car and come after us."

"Ehrm…"

"Just do as I say."

There was nothing I could do. I was so chocked I was left standing right up and down. Was Makayla right? Would it be better if I came after?

The answer came only when she started driving and the ambulance disappeared out of my sight. I hated that paramedic for driving away from me, I hated that Kurt had had a seizure at all.

I went to get my car keys and forgot to lock the door when I left. Then drove far over the speed limit the whole way to the hospital. It was usual about twenty minutes' driving. This time I made it on ten and quickly skid- parked into the nearest parking lot from the doors and hurried into the ER.

Now where was my son?

Coming into the hospital I made sure to breathe through my mouth. If I felt that Goddamn hospital smell it would take me right back to the day we were here when Elise died.

And then it didn't matter where I was today, that just made it worse.

"_It's okay my boy. We'll be okay." _

I had tried my best to beloieve it then.

And I always tried to believe it now.

Until now I and Kurt had been walking from each other. Whatever it was about, something as simple as what we would have for dinner would be our total opposites.

Earlier today, when I watched him score it finally felt right we had come to a turning point, a point where we could start walking toward each other again.

It was just a feeling…

I didn't know if this was a way it would show we would continue walking in opposite directions or if it was something to bring us closer…

"Hello…" I walked up to the desk. "Burt Hu… Kurt Hummel.. I…. I'm his…"

"Here." A receptionist came to the door to let me in. "I'll show you…"

I had always wondered what it was with medical staff and their ways with always walking too fast. They walked so fast one normal mortal would have to run to keep up with them. This time it was me walking fast if that woman would only walk a little faster…

"Here they are." She showed me behind a curtain, where Kurt laid on a hard bunk with a doctor and a nurse standing right next to him. "Oh… Mister Hummel, is it?"

"Yes."

"I want to go… home…"

Kurt's voice was so weak and whimpering and he could barely even speak at all.

The sound of it would probably be in my head for the rest of my life. But if Kurt had been fully awake and everything he'd probably have understood more about this and why he couldn't go home.

It broke my heart not to let him. But it was only here they could prevent another seizure and know what to do if he had…

"You can't go home right now kid. And you won't even have a chance if you don't start answering our questions." Kurt gave a small whimper and I felt hatred burning inside of me- how dared this doctor talk to my son in the tone he was using. "Mr. Hummel? Maybe you can answer. Has anything happened lately? Has he had a temperature or…"

"He hit his head…" I tried. "…Someone kicked a ball on the football field and it hit his head."

Dr. Harris nodded and stepped closer to the bed. Asking Kurt to lay still he felt over Kurt's head through the hair after lumps. He didn't say anything but I saw him frowning when he stepped back again.

"Sit up."

Dr. Harris was way too rude and fast forward for my taste. But then of course, he had to do his job. And when I and Kurt got out of here we could gossip about the doctor who now held a thin flashlight and pointed it to Kurt's eyes.

"Do you play football?"

"Ugh." Kurt moaned and glared back on Dr. Harris. Then leaned his head to the side as if to use his shoulder as a pillow, and closed his eyes while I worriedly hurried after them. "Long story."

"Stand."

When it came to standing up, closing his eyes, holding hois arms out and touching his nose there was nothing I could do to help him. He swayed a bit where he stood but didn't fall and stood until the Dr. told him to sit.

Kurt winced when there was a flashlight turned on and shining right into his eyes. Dr. Harris grabbed his chin and shined into his eyes once again.

"Doctor… please."

I tried begging and didn't want to react when Dr. Harris turned and glared back at me. It was knowledge more than anything else that a doctor had too much to do to stay and listen to me and I silent and stayed by Kurt's side, ready to do anything if I only could.

"Can you feel what leg I am touching?"

Dr. Harris tickled on Kurt's left knee and Kurt pattened on the thigh. Dr. Harris switched sides and then tickled the both.

After everything it was a relief to me when Kurt could tell the right one, just like he had stayed standing with his arms out and closing his eyes and been able to touch his nose.

All of these things must mean something. Even though I couldn't tell.

"Has he ever had any seizures like these before?"

Dr. Harris startled me with a question. I had been silent for the past few minutes and Kurt had lied down again. I hadn't been ready for a question and had to go through it again to realize what he had asked.

I had forgotten all about those.

"He had a few when he was very little…. But that's almost fifteen years ago and we never thought he'd have another one."

And the last time he had had was when my Elise was here- she'd know what to do.

"Did I?" Kurt asked weakly once the doctor had left. "I didn't even remember that…"

I hadn't forgotten it. But it had taken something like new seizures for me to remember it.

How could I have forgotten a four-year-old Kurt lying in his mother's lap, her shaky voice comforting just as well after the seizure and well he fell asleep as during it. How could I forget my heart beating strong when I drove them to the ER and then had to park the car before rushing after them. How could I forget that I had driven on my own because no ambulance would arrive?

"I guess we'll go upstairs and for an X-ray then."

If my head was pounding I couldn't imagine what this was like for Kurt.

But then what had to be done had to be done….

I watched as two nurses stood behind a screen and took their pictures. I felt my stomach twist worse than ever when I saw one of them point to something on their screen for the other one to see something- what on earth were they looking at that screen for?

Whatever we were going to go through next I had to admit I drew a relieved breath when I could sit down next to Kurt's bunk in the emergency room and get to rest for quite a minute before anyone else would have any questions…

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"There was… something thatI wanted to tell you. Something that I was going to tell you when… You know. I'd wait until a better day and place but… if I don't do it now I might never tell you so… I might as well tell you know… There's something that… that I know. About myself. And if I don't tell you… I don't want to lie anymore. And the thing is…"

Kurt paused and it took all of me to stay quiet and not finish the sentence for him. And tell him that I'd known. Possibly for even longer that he had known himself.

This wasn't my place to interrupt him.

This was his moment to say what he wanted, needed and had hesitated and thought back and forth a thousand times. Both of how he would say it and how I would react…

When it finally came it was nothing but a weak whimper.

"I'm gay."

During a couple of seconds every thought of what I could say next.

"I know."

Kurt was tiredly leaning his head down towards the pillow but I saw the look change in his eyes.

"You do?"

"I've known since you were three. All you wanted for your birthday was a pair of sensible heels."

Kurt closed his eyes weakly. But still as I saw the tears that had been rising in his eyes and I knew I had to say more than something that just made me sound stereotypical.

"I guess I'm not completely in love with the idea… But if that's the way it is then there's nothing I can do about it."

I could have beat myself up. No matter what I said or did here Kurt was himself and I'd never want him as someone else. Even if I could I wouldn't have changed a thing and the most important part of all was that he was happy in his own skin and healthy.

"And I love you just as much."

Kurt forced his eyes open again and a few tears ran from his eyes and down to the pillow while he forced himself to sit up and reached out towards me. I answered and half hugged him tight, half gave him the support to sit up at all.

"I love you son. You'll never have to doubt that. Okay?"

Kurt sniveled towards my shoulder and, in some way both weakly and strongly held on before he slipped from the sitting position and laid back down. As long as possible fighting to keep his head up and his eyes open.

"It's okay." I ran a hand over his hair. "You can sleep now. I'll wake you up if there's something I need to tell you."

Just as I had said that Nurse Carole came back, now along with Dr. Harris who was the first one talking.

"We're going to have to take you to do an MRI. It will take about half an hour but it would show us if you have any bleedings or fractures or maybe even a brain tumour." I heard Kurt whimper quietly. Almost under his breath. "I'd take a guess that this seizure was from getting a bit shook up when that ball hit your head. I'd say you have a minor concussion and maybe if you had some seizures when you were younger…"

Kurt sniveled again and I saw the way he was fighting to keep his eyes open.

"Is there really no way you can do this tomorrow." I could feel a lump in my throat- if I could just have a way to take this. Just so Kurt could sleep peacefully and keep his happiness after the goal he had scored during the game. "Please?"

"I'm sorry." Nurse Carole gave me an apologetic smile. "But… If you want to and feel now Kurt. You can sleep, and then we will just wake you up in case you need to answer questions. I don't think there is but that MRI makes terrible noises… but… Well… I could just as well talk to the wind couldn't I?"

Nurse Carole was right about that last. Kurt had fallen asleep, his soft, brown tresses falling towards the pillow around his pale skin.

"Does dad need…"

I hadn't even noticed the tears rolling down my cheeks until the nurse handed me a napkin. I couldn't speak for the lump in my throat. But I nodded "thanks" and wiped my cheeks while the nurse patted my shoulder.

"I'm not trying to make a joke or anything because this is not funny. But sure, you and I would be knocked out from half of what he's been through tonight… but even without this. Teen boys are just their own type of tired… I couldn't imagine. My Finn could sleep twelve hours a night and still powernap after half the day… do you get what I mean?"

"Yeah…" I remembered back. "I know but… Kurt isn't like that."

Nurse Carole just showed me a slight smile, patted my shoulder again and left the room. She came in a short while later, checked Kurt's vitals and noted them on a paper sheet that hung on the bed and then turned to me one more time.

"My shift's over now and I'm not on again until Monday so I won't see you again. She turned to Kurt for a second. I'm sure he'll be okay." She patted my shoulder. "Goodnight."

Goodnight?

How could that ever have been a goodnight?

I sat down next to the doctor as he pointed to something on the computer screen and said something to the nurse that sounded mostly like greek to me.

"There." Just as I had sat down he pushed a button and from the donut- looking equipment Kurt came out on a stretcher. "All done. Are you awake there Kurt?"

He wasn't.

I got up again and followed as they got Kurt out of the room, through the hallway and into the elevator and finally, somewhere into a bed that Kurt could stay comfortably in for the night.

Or the rest of the night. It was already past midnight…

Kurt moaned slightly and rolled over on his side. His eyes fluttered open for just one second before he closed them again.

"Dad?"

"Yes?" I got up again. "What is it?"

Kurt's eyes fluttered open again. Then he reached out his hand, laid it on mine that I had laid on the metal banister of the bed. I turned my hand so I could hold onto his and squeezed it softly. Kurt closed his eyes again and was asleep within seconds.

Then for a just those seconds I had Elise sitting next to me. Holding Kurt and stroking his hair in the way that I couldn't.

In the way she had during when Kurt had seizures when he was little.

I just wasn't any good with things like these. It was moments like these I didn't believe that Kurt and myself would ever be okay without his mum.

I stroke his hand with my thumb whiile he stayed asleep- exhausted after everything. And for a moment I feared… if Kurt had had a seizure tonight then what would happen tomorrow? Would it happen again next week? Or next year? And when or where or what…

I laid my head down on the metal banister of the bed. I was too tired to think. But if my head was pounding then what was it like for Kurt?

A slight smile formed on my lips at last when I thought about the game and I how I had shouted for everyone to hear…

Well. None of us could foresee the future. But I could only hope it would be seizure-free.

And whether it was or not. Us Hummel's would just have to stay close together.

**So… where did I get the name Nils from? I was watching a movie while writing- a movie called Nils Karlsson Leprechaun. And there I had the name!... He was lucky with that so I didn't use Bertil as the boy in the movie. **

**I'm realizing this is more about the Hummels' life together than the seizures themselves. But then that's what Epilepsy is- a life with seizures. Not seizures with a life. And despite this. I hope you liked it and I hope I could teach you something. **

**Random fact**

**Epilepsy still sucks ass. **

**But there's always hope. **

**And if the future's going to happen with Epileptic seizures… Then bring it on! **


End file.
